Our Inner Wounds

“Our wounds are often the openings into the best and most beautiful part of us.” ~ David Richo, Psychotherapist/Teacher/Author

Be Happy with what you have.

Happiness is often more of a choice than a consequence. Life is just hard, okay? We want it to be so easy and comforting and successful. It can be. But there will always be bumps along the way. Here is a brief essay to remind all of us to simply: Be Happy with what you have.

It's Always Uncomfortable to Grow

Many of the things that are required to build and maintain healthy self-esteem can be uncomfortable, but the truth is they are essential.  The good news is, with practice, uneasiness subsides and they become part of who you are.

Saying ‘no’ and asserting yourself, asking for what you want, expressing your true feelings, saying positive things about yourself, letting someone love and nurture you…these may all be the things that are uncomfortable.  But, only at first.

One sure way to conquer discomfort is to simply do what is uncomfortable.  Step away from complacency and dare to grow and develop yourself today.  Start by choosing something that you have been putting off.  Then, just do it!

© Meditations for Women

Jackson Browne: "If I Could Be Anywhere"

Master musician Jackson Browne reminds us of just how important it is to live here and now. Not in the past in some other time in history, or in some other life, and not out in the future in some assumed happy place we long to know. To live today is our task. To make the changes we want and need now. To be the person we have always wanted to be now. Listen here: "If I Could Be Anywhere" | Video on TED.com

The ability to let go.

Some helpful thoughts about learning to let life move along without trying to control every single thing that happens to us. See the article here: The ability to let go.

A Poem of a Father by Mary Oliver

A Visitor

My father, for example,
who was young once
and blue-eyed,
returns
on the darkest of nights
to the porch and knocks
wildly at the door,
and if I answer
I must be prepared
for his waxy face,
for his lower lip
swollen with bitterness.
And so, for a long time,
I did not answer,
but slept fitfully
between his hours of rapping.
But finally there came the night
when I rose out of my sheets
and stumbled down the hall.
The door fell open

and I knew I was saved
and could bear him,
pathetic and hollow,
with even the least of his dreams
frozen inside him,
and the meanness gone.
And I greeted him and asked him
into the house,
and lit the lamp,
and looked into his blank eyes
in which at last
I saw what a child must love,
I saw what love might have done
had we loved in time.

from Dream Work (1986). © Mary Oliver.

Freedom from Obsession

"Freedom from obsession is not about something you do; it's about knowing who you are. It's about recognizing what sustains you and what exhausts you. What you love and what you think you love because you believe you can't have it." ~ Geneen Roth, Women, Food, and God: An Unexpected Path to Almost Everything

The Ability to Stand What We Know

"To be strong does not mean to sprout muscles and flex.  It means meeting one's own numinosity (a supernatural presence; one's divinity) without fleeing, actively living with the wild nature in one's own way.  It means to be able to learn, to be able to stand what we know.  It means to stand and live." ~ Clarissa Pinkola Estes, Women Who Run with the Wolves

Book Review: The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown

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Title: The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are
Author: Brené Brown, Ph.D., L.M.S.W.
Publisher: Hazelden Publishing
Publication Date: October 4, 2010
Paperback: 260 pages
ISBN: 978-1592858491
Genre: Non-Fiction, Self-Help

From the Publisher:

"I wish my nose was smaller. I feel guilty every time I leave my kids in day care. I’m afraid to say what I really think. I hate these thunder thighs. I should be married by now. I sounded so dumb. Whether we fixate on our bodies, minds, personalities, or actions, every woman struggles with feelings of not being good enough. Each day we face a barrage of images and ideas–from society and the media–telling us who we should be. We are led to believe that if we could only change those flaws by looking perfect and leading a perfect life, then we’d no longer feel inadequate."

In The Gifts of Imperfection, Brené Brown, Ph.D., L.M.S.W., the leading expert on shame, reveals that it is actually our imperfections that connect us to one another as human beings and make us who we are. We are naturally drawn to those we view as authentic, real, and down-to-earth. It makes sense, then, that we should stop reaching for something “better” and, instead, strive to be who we are, fully owning every aspect of ourselves. Through essays, stories, inspiring quotes, meditations, and dynamic creative exercises designed for personal discovery and growth, Brown engages our minds, hearts, and spirits in finding the greatness in our flaws and evolving our self-perceptions. She helps us develop the skills to accept our humanness with compassion and practice empathy with ourselves and others.

Review by Jennifer Higgins:

Have you ever thought to yourself “if only I get this promotion, or if I could just lose twenty pounds, then I will be happy”? If so, The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are by Brene Brown may just be the answer. The premise of the book, to embrace imperfection, is seemingly simple, yet for many can be quite complex to execute. Brown tells the reader that happiness, or the love of oneself is not conditional on any prerequisites, rather it is a state of mind. Brown offers the reader ten realistic goalposts to help the reader overcome perceived obstacles to becoming happy, which requires one to love oneself and accept being less than perfect. How simplistic sounding, yet how many people are truly content with their current life, body, and circumstances? I personally do not know any and in this media-infused society it appears there are less and less people able to obtain what media dictates as “socially desirable”. Suddenly Brown’s assertion of self-love does not seem so simplistic to achieve. The Gifts of Imperfection is not a “new-age” book nor does it offer up revolutionary ideas. The premise is solid and indeed life-changing for those who are willing to realize that regardless of flaws and imperfections, it is okay, we are all flawed and yet we are all worthy of love and happiness, to be content in the now. I recommend The Gifts of Imperfection to everyone.

(From Jennifer Higgins' blog: www.rundpinne.com) 

Individuals

"One of the most satisfying experiences I know is fully to appreciate an individual in the same way I appreciate a sunset. When I look at a sunset...I don't find myself saying, 'Soften the orange a little more on the right hand corner, and put a bit more purple along the base, and use a little more pink in the cloud color...' I don't try to control a sunset. I watch it with awe as it unfolds." ~ Carl Rogers, Psychologist

Become Yourself

Now all that is left is for you to become yourself. ~ Goethe, German poet

Be Tough

Be tough in the way a blade of grass is: rooted, willing to learn, and at peace with what is around it. – Natalie Goldberg, American Author 

A Powerful Truth

"What I am is good enough if I would only be it openly." ~ Carl Rogers, Influential American Psychologist (1902-1987)

Wild Geese

You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting--
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.

© Mary Oliver