The stronger pull...

“Let yourself be silently drawn by the stronger pull of that which you really love.” ~ Rumi, Persian Poet

It's Always Uncomfortable to Grow

Many of the things that are required to build and maintain healthy self-esteem can be uncomfortable, but the truth is they are essential.  The good news is, with practice, uneasiness subsides and they become part of who you are.

Saying ‘no’ and asserting yourself, asking for what you want, expressing your true feelings, saying positive things about yourself, letting someone love and nurture you…these may all be the things that are uncomfortable.  But, only at first.

One sure way to conquer discomfort is to simply do what is uncomfortable.  Step away from complacency and dare to grow and develop yourself today.  Start by choosing something that you have been putting off.  Then, just do it!

© Meditations for Women

Allowing the Wildness

I love this thought.  It's practical, human, meaningful for all of us. Stepping away from whatever is bothering us today and reaching for some treasure in our possession is such a great exercise in life.  See if you agree: Allowing the Wildness

To get the most out of the relationship you are in...

"To get the most out of the relationship you are in, it won't be helpful to listen to the ego's stories about it.  They will only bring separation and conflict.  Essence (our true nature) would tell a different story about your loved one.  It would probably be something like this: 'This person is in my life for me to love to the best of my ability.  Let's see what happens if I do that.'  As Essence, we are here to serve others and serve Life.  The ego, on the other hand, is all about serving self." ~ From, What about Now? Reminders for Being in the Moment, by Gina Lake

Focusing on negativity doesn't make any of us better

"The moment is never improved or helped by negativity, although we are programmed to think our negative thoughts, worries, and fears serve a useful function.  When you really examine this idea, however, you see that negativity doesn't serve.  Focusing on negativity and fears doesn't make anyone a better person, nor does doing that help us function better in the world.  In fact, the truth is quite the opposite." ~ From, What about Now? Reminders for Being in the Moment, by Gina Lake

Love Everything

Love all Creation.  The whole and every grain of sand in it. Love very leaf, and every ray of light.  Love the plants.  Love the animals.  Love everything.  If you love everything you will perceive the Divine Mystery in all things.  Once you perceive it you will comprehend it better every day.  And you will come, at last, to love the whole world with an all embracing love. – Dostoyevsky, The Brothers Karamazov

What Life Can Teach You

Here is a list of things author, humorist, "60 Minutes" commentator Andy Rooney has learned in life: See the list here: Andy Rooney.

We all need a friend, and need to be a friend, just like this...

"Are you upset little friend?  Have you been lying awake worrying?  Well, don't worry, I'm here.   The flood waters will recede.  The famine will end.  The sun will shine tomorrow.  And I will always be here to take care of you." ~ Charlie Brown to Snoopy, "Peanuts" cartoon

How would your life be different...

"How would your life be different if you were conscious about the food you ate, the people you surround yourself with, and the media you watch, listen to, or read?  Let today be the day you pay attention to what you feed your mind, your body, and your life.  Create a nourishing environment conducive to your growth and well-being today." -- Steve Maraboli, Author/Speaker

A Simple Life Motto

“Do what you can.  Where you are.  With what you have.” ~ President Theodore Roosevelt

Why Love Is Good For Your Health

Is marriage necessary to good health? In some ways it is according to various health experts. But marriage and long term relationships have their challenges and require work and commitment by those who enter them. Here are some interesting facts and ideas about both the benefits and the challenges facing couples today: Your Health

The Only Thing I'd Really Like To Be

"Anyway, I keep picturing all these little kids playing some game in this big field of rye and all. Thousands of little kids, and nobody's around - nobody big, I mean - except me. And I'm standing on the edge of some crazy cliff. What I have to do, I have to catch everybody if they start to go over the cliff - I mean if they're running and they don't look where they're going I have to come out from somewhere and catch them. That's all I do all day. I'd just be the catcher in the rye and all. I know it's crazy, but that's the only thing I'd really like to be." — From Catcher in the Rye, by J.D. Salinger

Do as Little Harm to Others as You Can

"Do as little harm to others as you can; make any sacrifice for your true friends; be responsible for yourself and ask nothing of others; and grab all the fun you can. Don't give much thought to yesterday, don't worry about tomorrow, live in the moment, and trust that your existence has meaning even when the world seems to be all blind chance and chaos." ~ Dean Koontz, Physician/Novelist

Transcending Ourselves = Meaningful Living

"A sense of life meaning ensues but cannot be deliberately pursued: life meaning is always a derivative phenomenon that materializes when we have transcended ourselves, when we have forgotten ourselves and become absorbed in someone (or something) outside ourselves" —  Irvin D. Yalom, Physician/Professor Emeritus of Psychiatry, Stanford University School of Medicine

            

Emotionally Intelligent Relationships

Emotionally Intelligent Relationships

By Sally Connolly, LCSW, LMFT

What is it about some people who just know how to be a part of a healthy relationship? For them, relationships seem to be so easy.

Oftentimes, it is that hard-to-identify-quality of emotional intelligence; the ability to recognize and control their emotions, that some people have that gives them the ability to be successful in relationships. Emotional intelligence involves the ability to understand and accept ones’ own emotions and manage them in ways that enhance relationships with others.

Don is someone who has a high EQ. He can identify when he is angry about something and is able to give it a voice in his head and body but to also slow his response to the anger down so that he can calmly and thoughtfully determine a way of handling the situation that caused him to become mad.

Sandy is very perceptive. She can recognize emotions with others and carefully asses how those emotions are affecting her or the relationship. Sandy can talk openly and ask questions in ways that do not invite defensiveness but rather invite others to talk with her calmly.

Ben’s parents are teaching him to recognize his feelings, accept that they are real and, in and of themselves, are not bad or good. They are helping Ben learn how to slow himself down enough to determine productive ways to handle them.

Emotionally intelligent people are able to:

Identify their own emotions. They can recognize when they are hurt, disappointed, sad or feeling vulnerable and do not always immediately respond in angry, confrontational ways.

Emotionally intelligent people know the difference in the nuances of feelings and are able to be insightful enough to figure out what is really going on with them. People who understand their own emotions are better able to make good decisions about their lives from whom to marry to how to handle problems with an employer.

Answer these questions about yourself.

1. I am able to identify my feelings accurately. Yes/No 
2. I am not quick to react without thinking or understanding what is really going on with me. Yes/No

Manage their emotions and exhibit emotional self control. Emotionally intelligent people are able to be pro-active rather than reactive. They can slow themselves and their responses down rather than jumping into a quick retort. They know how to soothe themselves when upset, angry or anxious.

Emotionally intelligent people can reason with their emotions. Their minds are not clouded by their feelings. They recognize that their emotions give them information and they are curious about the meaning of that information. They bounce back from life’s challenges far more rapidly than those who are not emotionally intelligent.

Answer these questions about yourself.

1. I am able to remain calm when having a disagreement with my spouse. Yes/No
2. If I find myself starting to get upset when we disagree or he or she is talking with me about a problem, I can find a way to calm myself down, even if it means that I need to take a break. Yes/No

Recognize emotions in others. Emotionally intelligent people are empathetic and able to correctly identify others’ emotions and keep from taking those emotions personally.

For instance, if a spouse seems preoccupied and distant, an emotionally intelligent person will not immediately jump to a conclusion that there is something wrong with them or the marriage; but rather respect the fact that there may be any one of 10 different reasons for the distance.

Answer these questions about yourself.

1. I can give my partner the benefit of the doubt. Yes/No 
2. My partner would say that I really understand his or her feelings and thoughts about issues and concerns. Yes/No

Utilize these skills in their relationships. Emotionally intelligent people are able to handle complaints and criticism in appropriate ways. They can soothe themselves, think clearly and productively. Emotionally intelligent people are able to recognize others needs while also taking care of their own.

Answer these questions about yourself.

1. My partner, friends and co-workers would say that they feel respected and appreciated by me. Yes/No
2. Even when confronted by someone, I can keep my cool and try to understand their concerns. Yes/No

What did you learn about yourself in this brief questionnaire? If you answered 7 out of the 8 questions with a “yes”, then it is likely that you show emotional intelligence and have a high EQ.

From www.mentalhelp.net

Each of us is born with a box of matches inside us

"Each of us is born with a box of matches inside us but we can't strike them all by ourselves; we need oxygen and a candle to help. In this case, the oxygen for example, would come from the breath of the person you love; the candle would be any kind of food, music, caress, word, or sound that engenders the explosion that lights one of the matches. For a moment we are dazzled by an intense emotion. A pleasant warmth grows within us, fading slowly as time goes by, until a new explosion comes along to revive it. Each person has to discover what will set off those explosions in order to live, since the combustion that occurs when one of them is ignited is what nourishes the soul. That fire, in short, is its food. If one doesn't find out in time what will set off these explosions, the box of matches dampens, and not a single match will ever be lighted. — From the novel, Like Water for Chocolate, by Laura Esquivel

Annie Lennox - Universal Child

What is Family?

"What is family? They were the people who claimed you. In good, in bad, in parts or in whole, they were the ones who showed up, who stayed in there, regardless. It wasn't just about blood relations or shared chromosomes, but something wider, bigger. We had many families over time. Our family of origin, the family we created, and the groups you moved through while all of this was happening: friends, lovers, sometimes even strangers. None of them perfect, and we couldn't expect them to be. You can't make any one person your world. The trick was to take what each could give you and build your world from it." ~ From the novel, Lock and Key by Sarah Dessen

A Poem of a Father by Mary Oliver

A Visitor

My father, for example,
who was young once
and blue-eyed,
returns
on the darkest of nights
to the porch and knocks
wildly at the door,
and if I answer
I must be prepared
for his waxy face,
for his lower lip
swollen with bitterness.
And so, for a long time,
I did not answer,
but slept fitfully
between his hours of rapping.
But finally there came the night
when I rose out of my sheets
and stumbled down the hall.
The door fell open

and I knew I was saved
and could bear him,
pathetic and hollow,
with even the least of his dreams
frozen inside him,
and the meanness gone.
And I greeted him and asked him
into the house,
and lit the lamp,
and looked into his blank eyes
in which at last
I saw what a child must love,
I saw what love might have done
had we loved in time.

from Dream Work (1986). © Mary Oliver.

How to Live the Dream

We all want a healthy, productive, well balanced, fun, meaningful life. It doesn't come free. We have to do certain things to create a good life. Here are some simple tips to help you achieve some of the things you may be looking for in life. See the article here: Health.com