Treasure your relationships

Relationships are often difficult. Whether it's a friendship, a marriage, a partnership, a dating relationship or parenting, they each one require a lot of effort if they are to be healthy and loving. Here is a brief essay to remind us how to make them work well. See it here: Treasure your relationships

To get the most out of the relationship you are in...

"To get the most out of the relationship you are in, it won't be helpful to listen to the ego's stories about it.  They will only bring separation and conflict.  Essence (our true nature) would tell a different story about your loved one.  It would probably be something like this: 'This person is in my life for me to love to the best of my ability.  Let's see what happens if I do that.'  As Essence, we are here to serve others and serve Life.  The ego, on the other hand, is all about serving self." ~ From, What about Now? Reminders for Being in the Moment, by Gina Lake

Why Love Is Good For Your Health

Is marriage necessary to good health? In some ways it is according to various health experts. But marriage and long term relationships have their challenges and require work and commitment by those who enter them. Here are some interesting facts and ideas about both the benefits and the challenges facing couples today: Your Health

Emotionally Intelligent Relationships

Emotionally Intelligent Relationships

By Sally Connolly, LCSW, LMFT

What is it about some people who just know how to be a part of a healthy relationship? For them, relationships seem to be so easy.

Oftentimes, it is that hard-to-identify-quality of emotional intelligence; the ability to recognize and control their emotions, that some people have that gives them the ability to be successful in relationships. Emotional intelligence involves the ability to understand and accept ones’ own emotions and manage them in ways that enhance relationships with others.

Don is someone who has a high EQ. He can identify when he is angry about something and is able to give it a voice in his head and body but to also slow his response to the anger down so that he can calmly and thoughtfully determine a way of handling the situation that caused him to become mad.

Sandy is very perceptive. She can recognize emotions with others and carefully asses how those emotions are affecting her or the relationship. Sandy can talk openly and ask questions in ways that do not invite defensiveness but rather invite others to talk with her calmly.

Ben’s parents are teaching him to recognize his feelings, accept that they are real and, in and of themselves, are not bad or good. They are helping Ben learn how to slow himself down enough to determine productive ways to handle them.

Emotionally intelligent people are able to:

Identify their own emotions. They can recognize when they are hurt, disappointed, sad or feeling vulnerable and do not always immediately respond in angry, confrontational ways.

Emotionally intelligent people know the difference in the nuances of feelings and are able to be insightful enough to figure out what is really going on with them. People who understand their own emotions are better able to make good decisions about their lives from whom to marry to how to handle problems with an employer.

Answer these questions about yourself.

1. I am able to identify my feelings accurately. Yes/No 
2. I am not quick to react without thinking or understanding what is really going on with me. Yes/No

Manage their emotions and exhibit emotional self control. Emotionally intelligent people are able to be pro-active rather than reactive. They can slow themselves and their responses down rather than jumping into a quick retort. They know how to soothe themselves when upset, angry or anxious.

Emotionally intelligent people can reason with their emotions. Their minds are not clouded by their feelings. They recognize that their emotions give them information and they are curious about the meaning of that information. They bounce back from life’s challenges far more rapidly than those who are not emotionally intelligent.

Answer these questions about yourself.

1. I am able to remain calm when having a disagreement with my spouse. Yes/No
2. If I find myself starting to get upset when we disagree or he or she is talking with me about a problem, I can find a way to calm myself down, even if it means that I need to take a break. Yes/No

Recognize emotions in others. Emotionally intelligent people are empathetic and able to correctly identify others’ emotions and keep from taking those emotions personally.

For instance, if a spouse seems preoccupied and distant, an emotionally intelligent person will not immediately jump to a conclusion that there is something wrong with them or the marriage; but rather respect the fact that there may be any one of 10 different reasons for the distance.

Answer these questions about yourself.

1. I can give my partner the benefit of the doubt. Yes/No 
2. My partner would say that I really understand his or her feelings and thoughts about issues and concerns. Yes/No

Utilize these skills in their relationships. Emotionally intelligent people are able to handle complaints and criticism in appropriate ways. They can soothe themselves, think clearly and productively. Emotionally intelligent people are able to recognize others needs while also taking care of their own.

Answer these questions about yourself.

1. My partner, friends and co-workers would say that they feel respected and appreciated by me. Yes/No
2. Even when confronted by someone, I can keep my cool and try to understand their concerns. Yes/No

What did you learn about yourself in this brief questionnaire? If you answered 7 out of the 8 questions with a “yes”, then it is likely that you show emotional intelligence and have a high EQ.

From www.mentalhelp.net

Change is Good (Really!)

We all get comfortable in our routines, our marriages and relationships, our work, our health. We often fail to plan for change. Here is a brief article to help us be better prepared for the unexpected things in life, or those things we know may be coming, but we simply disregard them. See it here: Change is Good

Chose to live. Really live.

     On February 5, 1982, Steven Callahan was 800 miles west of the Canary Islands in his boat, the "Napoleon Solo."  
     In a matter of moments his boat was capsized and sinking in a fierce storm.  When the waters settled, Callahan, 30 years old at the time, was alone in a leaky raft.  With only a few resources at hand he collected rainwater for drinking and pieced together a crude spear for fishing.  He ate barnacles and now and then small birds he captured.  In order to keep his mind active he made notes of his experience.  He did yoga when he was able even though he was terribly weak.
     For seventy-six days he drifted in the ocean.  Then on April 21 he was discovered by the crew of a boat off the coast of Guadeloupe.  He is the only person to have survived alone more than a month at sea.
     He described his ordeal in his book, Seventy-six Days Lost at Sea.  
     Although an experienced seaman, Callahan says he survived because he made a choice.  He was determined to stay alive and to endure whatever was necessary in order to be rescued.  He chose to struggle.  He chose to not give up.  He chose to live however he could.
     We all face similar, if not as dramatic, choices every day.  They may have to do with our marriage or a relationship we are in.  They may be about a healthy lifestyle or the courage to start a new career.  They may be about friends or family or coworker conflicts.  They may be about dreams or hobbies or wishes unfulfilled.
     The choices we make ultimately decide the lives we live.  As the French philosopher Camus said, "Life is the sum of all your choices."
     Choose to live, really live.
© 2011 Timothy Moody

Bliss is not normal

"Anyone who imagines that bliss is normal is going to waste a lot of time running around shouting that he has been robbed. The fact is that most putts don’t drop, most beef is tough, most children grow up to be just like people, most successful marriages require a high degree of mutual toleration, and most jobs are more often dull than otherwise. Life is just like an old time rail journey ... delays, sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders, and jolts, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling bursts of speed. The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride." — Jenkin Lloyd Jones, Unitarian Minister (1843-1918)

Try These 7 Tricks for Instant Calm

Feeling overwhelmed? Ready to pull your hair out? Wound up by all of the nagging little irritations of the day? We all have times of stress: the repeated pressures of work; the endless responsibilities of parenting; the periodic strain of marriage or a relationship; and just the usual pace of life. Here are some easy ways to help provide quick relief from any or all of those stress producers. See the article here: Health.com

How to Live the Dream

We all want a healthy, productive, well balanced, fun, meaningful life. It doesn't come free. We have to do certain things to create a good life. Here are some simple tips to help you achieve some of the things you may be looking for in life. See the article here: Health.com