Ten Thoughts to Help You Avoid Discouragement .

"Judge no one, and disappointment and forgiveness won't be an issue. No one can let you down if you're not leaning on them. People can't hurt you unless you allow them to." This is number 9 from the article below. Good thoughts for all of us. See the rest of them here: Ten Thoughts to Help You Avoid Discouragement .

How to Get More Intuitive

Intuition reminds us to trust our instincts, to realize we just might know more than we think we do. Here is a brief article that offers tips on how to stay in touch with those gut feelings that are almost always accurate. See it here: How to Get More Intuitive

Reinvent Yourself

"The biggest intellectual breakthrough in the life of the great poet William Butler Yeats came when he realized that happiness and growth are one and the same.  They could not be separated.  You can notice this for yourself: you are happy when you are growing.  And no growth you have ever made has been effortless.

Watch the nature film of the butterfly struggling to push through the cocoon.  You will see the effort.  You will be moved.  You will see the animating force within living beings.  It’s the force of personal reinvention.  Watch the movie Rocky.  You will see the hidden connection between effort and joy.  Pay attention to your reactions to certain scenes in movies.  Pay attention to your goose bumps and your tears.  They come in response to courage and effort.  They don’t come in response to a scene in which someone is being comfortable.  Pay attention to why you are chocked up.  It is your potential self trying to tell you something." ~ From the book, Reinvent Yourself: How to Become the Person You've Always Wanted to Be, by Steve Chandler

How to Unlock the Power of Bad Feelings

3 Steps to Unlock the Power of Bad Feelings

Can we be free of envy, jealousy and other emotions that make us feel crappy?

Published on June 17, 2011 by Nadja Geipert in Eye of the Storm

"My friend...care for your psyche...know thyself, for once we know ourselves, we may learn how to care for ourselves" -Socrates

In Laugh at your own Risk I said that we don't have to endure feelings of envy or jealousy and promised to discuss their origins and tips on how to resolve them. In researching this topic, I found it difficult to pin down generic roots for these toxic emotions except for our well-documented tendency to compare ourselves to others and its connection to low self-esteem. Whoever coined the phrase "to compare is to despair" should receive the brilliant common sense award.

And then it hit me.

There are no generic roots of envy or jealousy just as there are no generic roots of anger, sadness or any other negative emotions we'd rather not feel. They developed out of our particular story and to understand and resolve them, we have to look inward. By relentlessly pursuing them, we can extract information that will help us improve our lives. The first and most important step is to accept how you feel.

Thousands of books, seminars and advice columns are dedicated to promoting the idea that to find happiness, we have to fight bad feelings. I'm not the first to point out that this approach is futile. Years of research strongly suggest that emotions are adaptations that serve a fundamental purpose to our survival. We can't will them away anymore than the urge to eat or sleep. They inform us about what's good for us and what (or whom) we should steer clear of. And seriously, if we could will bad feelings away, wouldn't we all be doing it? And, wouldn't most modern maladies like addiction, depression, suicide, violence, and divorce simply disappear? Therapists would all be out of jobs, and yes, I realize that some people already think that this should be so.

Yet, the myth persists. It does for a simple but powerful reason: the truth hurts. Not only are negative feelings inherently painful, they also frequently communicate what we'd rather not know. They tell us that we don't feel loved or lovable, that our job is killing us, that we married the wrong person, that we feel alone and misunderstood, or that we didn't really want three children etc., etc. These emotional realities are hard to face and demand that we act or change. Human beings hate change. Even when it's change for the better.

So the worst part of sticking to the "fight and deny your feelings" strategy is that it leaves us in the dark. Even the pettiest reaction flickers to illuminate. By ignoring it, we deny the opportunity to learn more about ourselves. It's time to take off that don't worry be happy T-Shirt!

The second step is to verbalize what you are feeling, in the simplest terms possible. Ideally, you would do so in an empathic environment. It could be a friend, a support group, a family member, a spouse or a therapist. This is not easy to find. Most people (however loving or well-intended) have trouble tolerating someone else's pain (often because it triggers their own). Don't let anyone smother you with explanations, pep talk or some other really well-articulated diversion. Yes, maybe the person who hurt you didn't mean to. Maybe your feeling is childish or normal. Maybe this, maybe that. Who cares? It's your feeling and you're just trying to follow it down into your less conscious mind. So choose wisely and trust that what you feel means something. I have witnessed in hundreds of psychotherapy groups that even the most "off the wall" reaction is rooted in a coherent feeling.

The third step is to explore. Some good questions to ask yourself during this process: What do I need here or feel like I'm not getting? What is this person getting that I want (in case of envy)? What can I do to get it and who is (or was) denying it to me?

The answer is frequently very simple. Many discover that they need more (undivided!) attention. In any case, if you can pinpoint what it is for you, ask for it (very nicely) from someone who you know loves you and wants the best for you. I know this sounds scary, but many people respond to this kind of honesty and vulnerability with kindness. There is really only one way to find out.

This process should bring some relief, but it can also initially make the feeling stronger. Don't worry about it; no one has ever died from feeling something (but many have from trying to avoid it by using drugs etc.). You should start to have some spontaneous insights into where these feelings are coming from. It could be a memory or something in the present you really want but are not pursuing.

Use bad feelings for what they were created for: to tell you what you need but are not getting. A particularly insightful reader of my Charlie Sheen posts reminded me of the famous Thoreau quote that most men lead lives of quiet desperation. Refuse to be one of them!

© 2011 Nadia Geipert - From www.psychologytoday.com

The heart lies and the head plays tricks

"The heart lies and the head plays tricks on us, but the eyes see true. Look with your eyes. Hear with your ears. Taste with your mouth. Smell with your nose. Feel with your skin. Then comes the thinking, afterward, and in a way knowing the truth." ~ George R.R. Martin, Novelist/Screenwriter

To the Brain, Being Burned and Getting Dumped Feel the Same - Health News

Here is interesting evidence that feelings of rejection or a difficult breakup can effect your health. See the article here: Health News - Health.com

What Sex Can Do

Certainly sex can be “I will do that for you if you will do this for me,” but what a lonely arrangement.  A caress should say, “I love you,” not pay off a debt.  An embrace should fill the heart as well as the arms. ~ Hugh & Gail Prather, Notes to Each Other

20 Ways to be Encouraged

1.      Pizza and beer

2.     Affectionate kisses

3.     A smile from a passing stranger

4.     Rainy nights

5.     Music

6.     Holding a baby

7.      Watching courage displayed

8.     Displaying courage

9.     Getting a gift

10.  Giving a gift

11.   Seeing a really great movie

12.   Dancing without fear

13.   The greening of the grass and trees

14.   Your pet asleep at your feet

15.   Unexpected praise

16.   Discounts

17.   A project completed

18.  A clean house/apartment

19.   Reading a book you can’t put down

20.  Feeling loved

©2011 Timothy Moody

Feelings

A little advice about feelings kiddo; don't expect it always to tickle. 


~ Dr. Berger to Conrad Jarrett in the movie, "Ordinary People"

What Does Discouragement Feel Like?

Sometimes when we are feeling emotionally lousy we get discouragement confused with depression.

Although discouragement can certainly lead to depression, is sometimes an element of it, there are differences.

Discouragement is not as debilitating as depression but it can still interfere with our daily routine: work, home life, friends, hobbies, etc.

It can also affect our health, our relationships, our ability to enjoy things, our capacity to make good choices, and our willingness to take on new challenges.

What does it feel like?

·        Cold feet.  Not being able to move forward.  Lack of confidence.  Fearful.

·        Sadness.  Not overwhelming sadness but enough to make you feel down, blue, full of the blahs.

·        Restrained.  Unable to express yourself the way you normally do in terms of joy, pleasure, love, laughter, care and other positive emotions.

·        Defensive.  Not wanting to have to explain yourself.  Annoyed with useless suggestions: “Get over it” - “What’s wrong with you?” -  “Cheer up!” and so forth.

·        Doubtful.  We don’t feel certain about much.  We especially question ourselves. “What is wrong with me?”  “Why can’t I get over this?”  “Why did this happen to me?”  “Why doesn’t anyone understand me?”  “Why is life so unfair?”

·        Loss.  You feel as though all the good things are not for you or meaningless for now.

·        Dull.  When we are discouraged our thoughts slow down.  We get easily confused or distracted.  We have a kind of brain fog. 

If you are struggling with discouragement seek help.  Talk with your physician or a therapist.  Consider the services offered here.  You do not have to live discouraged all the time.

How To Find Our Way Through Discouragement

1.      Face what you are feeling.  Trying to ignore feelings only leaves us more frustrated and wanting to shut down.

2.      Search for understanding.  See if there are insights in the messiness.

3.      Express anger, disappointment, fear, confusion in healthy ways.

4.      Reach out.  Talk to those you trust.  Listen for clues, within and from others, for how to move on.

5.      Stay open.  Be willing to accept and not get stuck in denial.

6.      Change your thinking.  Sometimes just deciding to stop fretting over something helps us begin to get past it.

7.      Allow some affirmation.  Be with those you love and those who love you.  Take in some good feelings from being in their company.

8.      Extend yourself.  Offer support to someone else who needs some care.

9.      Be aware.  Not everything is ugly or frustrating or hurtful right now.  Look for glimmers of goodness around you.  They are there if we care to search.

10. Treat yourself.  Buy some fresh flowers.  Take a modest shopping spree.  See a movie you like.  Have coffee with a friend.  Sometimes the smallest things have a way of lifting us out of the gloom.